Unexpected
by Aki and Tenshi
Summary: You always see Malik or Bakura taking over the world, but you never expect the quiet ones until it's too late. For all who are annoyed that Ryou is never in the friendship speeches. A completely random story. OOCness
1. Chapter 1

**Tenshi:** Well, here is our new story!

**Aki:** I think this is the first one Tenshi has participated in since The Poke-Me Experiment. And she pretty much ended up writingthis chapter by herself.

**Tenshi:** We need to finish The Poke-Me Experiment. And its many sequels.

**Aki:** This story has been in our minds for a while, but don't expect updates every week. We generally write when we get together-

**Tenshi: **Which is, sadly, not nearly often enough.

**Aki:** Anyway, there are a lot of obscure references to other series in here, as well as to The Poke-Me Experiment.

**Tenshi:** Enjoy! And review!

**Aki: **AND READ THE SIXTH HARRY POTTER BOOK!

**Tenshi:** IT RULES!

* * *

Bob Picadilly trudged into a large apartment building carrying a large bag of mail. As he walked through the lobby he didn't see anyone. As he got in the elevator he didn't see anyone. This was, of course, because there was no one there. Well, except for one person on the top floor. Okay, technically that one person was two people in the same body, but Bob didn't feel like getting into that just then. 

The bell dinged impatiently and the doors slid open as he reached the top floor. He walked along a fancy hallway until he reached two unnecessarily large and impressive wooden double doors. He proceeded to knock loudly on one.

"What's the password!" yelled an irritated-sounding voice.

"The world is quiet here," Bob Picadilly answered.

He distantly heard something that sounded like 'darn' and the person on the other side of the doors sulkily responded "Intrude."

Bob did so, opening a heavy door with difficulty. "Here's your mail, Mr. Ryou."

"THAT'S _SUPREME OVERLORD _TO _YOU, _PEASANT!"

"Whatever you say Mr. Supreme Overlord." he dumped the mail bag unceremoniously on a coffee table in the middle of the floor. Ryou (or should I say, the Supreme Overlord) frowned at him as half of the envelopes spilled on the floor.

"You can leave now. Just so you know, you interrupted me while I was watching my motivational tapes. Feel guilty."

"I will." Bob Picadilly answered boredly as he exited swiftly. As he slammed the doors shut behind him, he heard Ryou yell after him:

"That's Supreme Overlord! And _lay off that whiskey!_"

He got in the elevator. "Freak." he muttered to himself.

"_I heard that!_"

"Curse those hidden microphones..."

You may be wondering what the heck is going on. Let us rewind a little.

Several weeks before this, Ryou Bakura was sitting in Math class dutifully copying down problems from the board.

"So, if I subtract the exponents and square the blah and blah de blah de blah..."

Yes, Ryou was spacing out. Hey, math was boring.

'_When I take over the world_,' he thought drowsily, '_I'm going to send all math teachers to reeducation camps. Or maybe they'll TEACH in the reeducation camps, being as they're teachers and all... or something like that...'_

"-ka?"

'_What the...?'_

"Mr. Bazooka? What would I get if I did all that in the problem?" asked the teacher.

Ryou looked around to see who she was talking to, only to find everyone staring expectantly at him.

"Me?" he said, finally.

"Yes, you don't see any other Mr. Bazookas in the classroom, do you?"

"But my name's not-" his protest was cut off as the teacher demanded his answer in that teachery way they must all learn at school.

/_Forty-two! SAY FORTY-TWO/_ interrupted Yami Bakura from the safety of Ryou's mind.

"Um. Forty-two?" he ventured.

"That's correct, Mr. Bazooka." the teacher turned her attention to another unwary student.

'_Yami?'_

/_What?_/ he sounded impatient.

'_Where'd you get forty-two from? I thought you hated math.'_

/_I do. I just thought of forty-two because it's the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything._/ he sounded annoyed that Ryou had gotten the answer right.

'_Well thanks a lot, Yami_.' neither of them could decide if he was being sarcastic or not.

"Good job, Bakura!" hissed Yugi from where he sat.

"Lucky guess?" asked Jounouchi.

"Mmhmm." he nodded, spacing out again as he doodled a picture of Yugi with a pineapple for a head.

Before long it was Literature class, and the students half-listened to their teacher as he outlined an activity they were going to that somehow tied into the book that they were studying, even though no one could figure out just how.

"So in conclusion, just get into groups and prepare a quick presentation on what is most important to you."

"How many people can be in a group?"

"How many minutes is our presentation supposed to be?"

He waved off the class's questions irritably. "I don't know, just do whatever you want to do."

The students shrugged and there was a flurry of movement as students dove to claim their friends before anyone else could.

Unsurprisingly, Ryou found himself still sitting morosely in his desk by himself. Yugi, Anzu, Jounouchi, and Honda had their desks clustered together a few feet from him. He could distinctly hear several words such as "friendship", "friends", "the power of friendship", and "amigos" float from their direction.

Ryou twirled his pen in his fingers, deep in thought on the subject of what was most important to him, though he was distracted by the sound of Yami Bakura clearing his throat pointedly in his head.

Ryou looked over at Yugi and the others, wondering idly if they had even noticed that he was partnerless.

/_HeLLO! Default partner, right here/_

'_Oh yeah, Yami, you can stand up there with me and tell them all about what's most important to us. DUH! They can't see OR hear you!'_

/_You're so irritable today. I'm so proud of you!_/

Ryou gloomily doodled another picture of a pineapple-headed Yugi, only this time the Fruit-Yugi seemed to be about to slip on a banana peel and fall down a manhole.

/_How about your grades/_

_'What?'_

_/Your grades. Most important thing to you. The teacher'll give you an A for sure! Or maybe, um... Pizza! That'll get a laugh out of those little beasts you go to school with. I don't know,though, it might be too sophisticated a joke for them.../_

_'I'm surprised you even _know_ the word sophisticated.'_

_/Oh, I got served there/_ Ryou detected a hint of pride in his voice.

"That's enough time, class." their teacher stood up from his desk and stretched.

/_In other words, the class was too loud and woke him up._/ Yami Bakura commented snidely.

Ryou was half-bored and half-anxious as the first group was called up. He just couldn't think of what to say. He knew none of his classmates would listen, and the teacher probably wouldn't either, but he had to do _something._

By the time Group #1 (a bunch of flighty-looking girls who had decided that getting the newest, most fashionable purse each month was the most important thing to them) had returned to their seats, Ryou had grudgingly decided to say that pizza was his most-important-thing.

/_No one listens to you anyway, Ryou./_ his yami had pointed out/_Chances are, no one will even notice./_

Ryou had to agree that this was probably true.

He did look up shrewdly as Yugi's group was called and they proceeded to blather on about the "Power of Friendship" and how it helped save the whales and fix global warming or whatever.

"Yes," Anzu was continuing, "We're simply the best of friends, Yugi, Jounouchi, Honda, and I! Absolutely inseperable! Just the four of us!"

Ryou scowled at them, but they didn't notice, or even look at him as they made their way, beaming, back to their desks amid scattered, unenthusiastic clapping from the students who had actually been paying attention.

/_Don't worry if they don't notice you Ryou,_/ Yami Bakura reassured him, _/They're probably all high on LSD, or whatever "friendship" stands for these days._/

'_Only you, yami...'_ Ryou sighed mentally.

He sat and listened disinterestedly as the rest of the groups made their presentations one by one. After the last group had finished, he automatically started to get out of his chair, fully prepared to go up there and wing it. He was surprised however when his teacher cheerfully announced from his desk:

"Now that all of the groups have gone, you can all just... goof off or whatever until class is over. But be quiet. I'm trying to slee- er, grade tests back here."

"But we haven't had any tests!" protested one student.

"That's what you think." the teacher told him darkly.

Ryou sat back down quickly.

He sulked halfheartedly for the rest of the day. The day had passed mostly uneventfully, except for a brief foodfight at lunch, an accidental fire in the Chemistry lab, and when the students in gym class accidentally hit a baseball through a window and hit the History teacher in the head.

After last period, however, as he was walking through the hall, Ryou had an idea. An idea that would get everybody to notice him. Not that he needed too much attention, but just enough that they would remember his name, he mused sourly as a teacher walked past and told him to "Have a nice afternoon, Ryan!"

Yugi and his friends came up out of nowhere . Ryou blinked.

"Hey, Bakura!" they greeted him.

"We're going to Yugi's house." Anzu informed him.

Ryou noticed that they did not invite him. "I'm going to destroy Canada." he told them, "They've had it _too_ good for _too_ long."

They weren't listening. "Okay, Ryan, that sounds nice!" They ran off.

He fumed for a few moments.

'_My names not Ryan!_'

Ryou did not, in fact, go to destroy Canada that afternoon. He did, however, make a trip to the mall...

* * *

Hopefully this chapter wasn't too confusing! All shall be explained in time! 


	2. Chaptah TWO!

**Tenshi:** Okay. I'm not gonna lie to you guys. This chapter... is really weird. Well. Okay, it's not that bad. But still, there are parts that are definitely only going to make sense to us, and a lot of things that you really "just had to be there" for. I hope it makes some semblance of sense! I also hope that Aki doesn't notice some of the edits I'm about to make to it while I watch _House_.

Oh yeah. And sorry about the whole...not updating since 2005 thing... ::shifty look::

Also, if any of this is particularly strange...Aki wrote that part... ::another shifty look::

**Tenshi again:** Well, that was a bust. This was supposed to be updated LAST TUESDAY, but the site kept giving us a stinking error message... and telling us to go to support. fanfiction. net WHICH DOES NOT EXIST!!!! And when it DOES exist, no one can figure out how to use it!!!!!

Please forgive any punctuation errors caused by disappearing characters due to QuickEdit...

* * *

**Chaptah TWO!!!**

_THE FUTURE!!!!!_

The Supreme Overlord, Bakura Ryou, scowled as Bob Picadilly left his apartment. He yelled angrily after him a few times, before turning back to the television set across the room. He curled up on his white leather couch, drawing his knees up to his chest. Picking up his discarded remote control he unpaused his program...or, rather, his motivational tape.

"You are strong-willed person," a feminine voice crooned from the television set as clips of flowers blowing in the wind and crashing waterfalls played across the screen for no apparent reason at all.

Ryou tsked in annoyance and said to himself, "Well, duh..."

"You will succeed in life."

"Yeah, like, you know, become a Supreme Overlord or something..."

"You will reach your goals."

"I'm already conquering the world, lady," he shot back derisively.

"You have a high self-esteem."

"..."

"You like yourself...what others do and say can't bring you down."

Ryou glared at the television. What did she know anyhow?...

"People like you. You have friends..."

Ryou jumped to his feet in anger. "What the heck? What is this junk? This wasn't worth the time it took me to command someone to steal this from Wal-Mart for me... back before I didn't control Wal-Mart." He laughed in an evil way.

Remembering his vendetta against the television and its supposedly "motivational" tape, he threw the remote control frustratedly at it. It just bounced off the screen. In response to the remote being ineffectual, he stomped on it, as, you know, an example for all those thinking about being ineffectual in the future. He followed this by kicking out the TV screen.

After kicking the television, VCR, motivational tape, and remote's technological butts, he collapsed back onto his couch and picked up his cell phone.

"Hey, lackeys, I need a new television set up here... yeah, the usual... what do you mean 'again?'... DON'T QUESTION ME, MINION... wait forget the TV. _Bring me Doctor Phil_..."

-------------------------------------

_THE PAST!!!!_

Ryou Bakura peeked his head around the corner of the school building anxiously the next morning. Class would be starting in five minutes, but he was still too nervous to try and walk around in public. He was waiting until the last possible moment when the least possible amount of people would be wandering around the least possible... I mean, people would be wandering around the halls

_You know the whole point of doing this was so you _would_ get noticed, baka... _said the slightly amused and slightly annoyed voice in his head.

_Oh, I see. You want to walk boldly late into class too. _

Ryou grimaced at the thought. The late bell rang and the last of the stragglers made their way reluctantly indoors to class (After all, who actually goes to class joyfully unless it's, like, art or lunch...except that lunch isn't a class, but I digress...)

"It's now or never," said Ryou to no one in particular. He took one hesitant step forward to the front of the school building, but a moment later he shrunk back into the shadows, like he was being attacked by a snake or a rabid racoon... but he wasn't. In fact he had caught sight of his reflection in a puddle on the ground.

_I can't do this! _Ryou mentally shouted, horrified. _I should just go home and change... ._

_You can't! _Yami Bakura retorted in his head, _Look how far you've come; you can't turn back now, _he encouraged uncharacteristically. _I want to see the Pharaoh's face when he sees you've outdone his buckle-fetish-fashion-statement-thing...y... with your goth...emo...punk- ish... lookamawhozit. _

Ryou sighed in resignation. _Fine. _

All he had actually wanted to do was find something at the mall that would make people pay attention to him... or to prove to his almost shattered self-esteem that people actually acknowledged his existence. He thought maybe he'd do something with his hair. Bleach it maybe. It took him a surprisingly long time to realize his hair was already white...

Thinking that his plan had failed, Ryou began wandering the mall aimlessly, the whole time his yami making rude comments about the other mall patrons.

_Wow, she's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits _around _the house... ._

_Where do you learn these things, Yami...? ._

_Hey, I watch TV and stuff... ._

_Jerry Springer, again? Seriously, Yami, you know you got some issues ._

_Not as many as that couple on Springer yesterday, or the fat guy who was in the audience asking a bunch of obnoxious questions, or that ugly dude over there ._

_Yami _said Ryou exasperatedly, then _... I think that's a girl... ._

_Ewww... ._

_That's awful... ._

_That's awfully hilarious! Ooh! You got HOUSED! ._

It was around this point that he passedHot Topic - or the Japanese equivalent thereof. Spying a new Care Bears beach towel (which was always an odd but familiar sight in Hot Topic) on the back wall he wandered in, casually pretending to make his along the band t-shirts on the side wall. (Just because he collects Care Bears doesn't mean he's not a man!)

Suddenly-

_WAIT!_

Ryou stopped and looked around - and, curiously, so did everyone else in the store, looking extremely confused and slightly disturbed.

_I... _Yami Buskura...Bukura...Buakura...er... Bakura announced _Have an IDEA! _

_Your mom has an idea. _

_... ...W...what? _

Ryou shook his head_ Never mind. _

_Anyway... _he continued, sounding a bit insulted, although he was unsure exactly how or if he had been insulted. _Dude! The perfect plan! We're right in the middle of it! _

_Of the plan? _It was Ryou's turn to be confused.

_No, the MEANS of our plan! _

Ryou stared blankly - a young mother in his line of sight gave him a strange look, wondering why a strange boy was staring so blankly at her. (Beware the redundancy...!) She quickly checked that she was completely covered up appropiately, you know, clotheswise... Then she turned to her young children and whispered, "That's why we don't do drugs..."

His yami coughed. _Kay. Back to me, now... Thank you. ANYwho... The MEANS of our plan! _he repeated. _The store, you idiot! The sheer gothness of it all! How can your classmates NOT notice you? _

Finally, blessed understanding! Ryou grinned, and proceeded to pull black clothing off the shelves.

He took it to the cashier, and placed it on the counter, pulling out a handy credit card.

"BUT WHY IS IT ORANGE?!" the cashier screamed randomly.

He looked at the card. "Actually I think it's blue." Nevertheless, he took the stuff to the next cashier over, and exited the store after paying (much to Yami Bakura's chagrin.)

And that brings us back to the schoolhouse on the prairie, I mean Domino High School. Ryou was currently wearing baggy black cargo pants, a black sleeveless hoodie much like the one Malik used to wear before his stretchy headed counterpart took over his body, except it didn't show his midriff, nor was it pink ("It was LAVENDER!!! Lavender, I say!")("Shyeah. Like that's better."). He also was adorned with a plethora of gold jewelry, also inspired by Malik. In particular, he was sporting new, small gold hoops, three on each ear. Also, to add to the whole, how did Yami Bakura put it, goth...emo... punk...lookamawhozit, he was also wearing a thick layer of eye liner, a fashion tip that none other than his yami had shared with him. His yami had also sworn to eat his soul if he dared tell anyone that he wore eye liner and that was how he achieved his menacing look.

And now our rambling storylines COLLIDE! In other words, Ryou finally worked up the courage to enter the school building. He trudged clinking through the hallway to his classroom, boots... booting...on the tile floor. He threw the door open recklessly and strode in a manner that made his yami very, very proud like a parent whose child has thrown open a door recklessly and ...strode... in. Oh yeah, that makes sense.

TAB!!!

Never mind...

Ryou Bakura, decked out his aforementioned gothic apparel, strode to his desk determinedly and collapsed into his chair as unceremoniously as his usually polite self could muster. Even though he was a good five and a half minutes late no one had even turned their head. The teacher, who was taking roll in the front of the classroom, did not even move his head to acknowledge his detention-worthy entrance.

Ryou cleared his throat loudly, which achieved nothing. He kicked the desk in front of him, which held a half- asleep, thus very irritable, Jounouchi. He grunted in response, and slurred "Meat tarts!"

The teacher looked up. "What'd you call me? That's detention! This Saturday! Be there or _be squaaaaare..._" His voice trailed off menacingly...

"Yes, grandma..." Jou responded, still half-asleep...

Ryou could only stare in disbelief. This was supposed to be HIS detention!

_Yami, no one is paying any attention to me... _

_Hmm... _was the only half-interested answer.

_I mean, come on. I show up late, totally gothed out, make a ruckus and still no one even thinks I exist. What is wrong with me? At first I thought maybe I was so pale that I don't know, faded into the background or was invisible or something... Yami? ._

There was no response.

_Yami?! _

_Umm, sorry, what did you say?  
Yami! _Ryou shouted mentally.

_I was just kidding with you, chillax yo. _

_What the heck are you saying? _asked Ryou, frustrated.

_J/k! Rotflol!!! O M G!!!11111_

_What? Do you even know what you're saying? _

_Do you even know what YOU'RE saying? _

Ryou was floored_. I...I don't know... _

_... Don't think about it too hard, kid, you might hurt yourself... ._

Ryou shook his head to clear his mind, which was a fruitless action as there was constantly an evil spirit blathering on in the background or laughing maniacally, because he tended to do that a lot.

"Has anyone seen Mister Bazooka today? Anyone?"

"I'm right he-... never mind..." he got up dejectedly, and left.

It was time for something even MORE drastic.

* * *

And it just keeps getting weirder. 


End file.
